WikiLeaks: “Why so serious?” – by Suleman Akhtar

Headnote: Addressees of this note are those who are fool enough to think skeptically in this land of “born perfectionists”.

At first, let me share with you people an “exploding and exclusive” thought which has all ingredients of sensation (albeit sensibility).

Here you go: “World will never be the same after WikiLeaks.”

Heavy words. Aren’t they? This is the precious thought which might be “revealed” to you in direct words at times and if you are no so privileged yet, you may “sense” it embedded in wall-posts by scrolling down your Facebook homepage or simply by having casual conversation with people around you.

Hold on, if you don’t want to spoil your relation with the “revealer” of very thought then here I have a suggestion for you. “Never ever commit sin of questioning him/her with words like How/Why.” Providing, you may find yourself in two awkward situations, which ultimately will lead to tarnishing your relationship.

Situation1: She/he might enlighten you with limitless fairytales colored with not so imaginary characters of kings, queens, bishops and horses, which in the end might burst you into screaming or shouting on him/her.

Situation2: She/he might give you an annoyed look with a sigh whilst denouncing you in words “you have no idea of persisting political scenario of world and I don’t want to waste my time.”

Forget it, let’s move on. Out of curiosity, if you ever intend to enlighten yourself with the “revelations” of WikiLeaks, then I have recommendations for you depending upon two conditions.

Condition1: If you are out of time along with out of senses, then simply visit “official” websites of Daily Jang and/or Geo network. There you may find “leaking” of anything and everything except WikiLeaks.

Condition2: If you are really into it and have plenty of leisure time, then simply go to Google and type “WI” only. There’s no need to waste your time by typing whole word. Click the first appeared link and just wait and watch. If you are lucky enough then website might open in 37 minutes irrespective of busy server, otherwise wait till next dawn.

Now, allow me to hold the assumption that you have attained stature of “well-informed” person by swallowing all the “disclosures” of WikiLeaks and now you find yourself in problem related to digest them. Here, at helm of affairs, I’m not sure if you have ever acquainted with the “good ol’” saying “WWE: Don’t try it at home”. If you are well aware of “essence” of this saying then feel free to leave the note at this point, as I’m going to outline the “consequences” for those who would like to share these disclosures with “born perfectionists” of our society.

I, hereby, would like to recapitulate aftermaths regarding your endeavor of sharing WikiLeaks “disclosures” with other (not so) like-minded people, by highlighting three of “revelations”.

Revelation1: Saudis are biggest financiers of Al-Qaeda

After trying hard you manage somehow to mumble this sentence without any reluctance, in middle of room. There’s a pin drop silence in room which lasts for minute. At last, someone breaks the distasteful silence by screaming:

“Are you talking about Haadmen Harmen Shareefen?” (Whilst, listening the notion of Haadmen Harmen Shareefen, others from audience close their eyes down and start murmuring something sacred).

This is it. You are not in a position anymore to utter anything “foolish”. In case if you try to become Socrates then be ready for “295-C”.

Revelation2: Pak-Army is the key power player in Pakistani politics and ISI still enjoys close ties with Islamic fundamentalists and extremists

“This will helpful in proving me a well-informed person who has grasp on current affairs”-Thought comes into your mind and you commit biggest mistake of your life by declaring this (not so) secret “revelation” in a family gathering.

Your uncle gives you ferocious look from behind his spectacles:

“My son, you have no idea what you are talking about. Had Pak-army not taken responsibility of our ideological boundaries Pakistan would have been a Kaafir(secular) state. I’m observing that you are being influenced by the Zionist propaganda who want to disintegrate our country and throw Muslim countries into chaos. May God save you, I can only pray for you.”

Conversation ends and you have no other option except staring your toe.

Revelation3: Present PPP government has nothing to do with country’s defense and foreign policy

You will never be allowed to complete your sentence after the word “PPP” and here starts reiteration of a single name “Asif Ali Zardari”:

“You know what AAZ involves in land grabbing of 3 Marla plot in Nawabshah”

“I’ve heard that AAZ belongs to Ahmadi sect”

“They say that AAZ takes bath daily”

“This is confirm that AAZ is relative of Bal Thackeray”

And you will be forced to scream after:

“Come here, I tell you what, AAZ was involved in Benazir Bhutto’s assassination”

Welcome to land of born perfectionists.

Why So Serious?



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