The SMS war against Zardari – by Kaleem Butt

Day in and day out, PPP and President Zardari has to contend with an onslaught of negative propaganda on air waves, in print media and in cyber space. The enemy is media savvy and knows the impact of psychological warfare. With the spread of mobile technology and its impact on our daily lives, it was imperative for the opponents to put its by-product, namely SMS, in to use to promote their nefarious designs.Typically the message is derogatory and target is the President. (In older days it would have been Benazir or even Zulifqar Ali Bhutto).The following is text of a message recently received from a lawyer friend who, knowing my sensivity on the issue, often targets me with such messages.

” Keeklee kaleer di,
Pent mere Veer di,
Shirt paa munir di,
Coat mere paee da,
Landay toh lyaee da,
Fit vee kraee da,
Dhobi kolo tuvaee da,
Sent shent Laee da,
Shokhi naal paee da,
BaBu ban jaee da,
Fittay Moonh Mehngaee Da…te nalay bhutto de JWAAI da”

Now I may not be a folk poet but could not let go the occasion and mustered up the following response.

“Keeklee kaleer di,
Keeklee Kaleer di,
Pakistan de izzat ay,
Ajrak Zardari di,
Tai Chadar Benazir di.
Keeklee Kaleer di,
Keeklee Kaleer di,
Ay party ghareeb nal,
Lachaar tey faqeer nal,
Kapra roti tay Makan,
Tino dewaiy bal di.
Keeklee Kaleer di,
Keeklee Kaleer di,
Bhutto aj vee zinda jay,
Qabar which oh husda aey,
Jadoon dushman odhey sochdey
Uday naa di akheer di.
Keeklee Kaleer di,
Keeklee Kaleer di”.

Anoher message from the same lawyer friend:

(((-@) (@-)))
(((( < ._.> ))))
(((( ,—, ))))
Pahlay Bivi Maari
Ab hei awaam ki baari.
Ha ha ha:

And my response, just to touch the raw nerve of our lawyer friends.

(((-@) (@-)))
(((( < ._.> ))))
(((( ,—, ))))
May Höon PCO Chief Justice
Pahlay do mujhey protocol
Phir do mery baitey ko out of turn promotion
Sawari key ley ho Mercedes
Our agar muqadma hai jeetna
Aisy he panch aur saboot lao.
Ha ha ha:

I am expecting fresh anti Zardari message any time soon but rest assured it would not and should not go unanswered. That is the moral of this story. Spread the word.

6 responses to “The SMS war against Zardari – by Kaleem Butt”

  1. A worth reading comment from pkpolitics:

    By Khalid Wasti:

    سازش کون کر رہا ہے ؟حکومت گرنے نہیں دیں گے ۔

    چند ایک “دانشور اینکرز،، جو اس بات کو جانتے ہیں کہ زرداری حکومت کو گرانے کی سازش کون کررہا ہے ۔
    اور اگر دانستہ نہیں تو نادانستہ طور پر اس سازش کو عملی جامہ پہنانے میں اپنا کردار ادا کر رہے ہیں،
    پیپلز پارٹی کے لوگوں سے کرید کرید کر پوچھتے ہیں کہ آپ کی حکومت کے خلاف سازش کون کر رہا ہے ؟

    مقصد یہ ہے کہ زچ ہوکر یہ بھی اس قوت کا نام لے دیں جسے سوال کرنے والے پہلے سے جانتے ہیں ۔
    یہ بھی اسی “گرینڈ پلان،، کا حصہ ہے کہ ادھر ان کے منہ سے فوج کا نام نکلے اور ادھر وہ اس کی ریلیں اور فٹج چلا کر آگ پر تیل چھڑک دیں ۔

    اے محب ِ وطن دانشورو ! خدا کے لیئے اس ملک پر رحم کرو ۔ اس ملک کو مزید نقصان نہ پہنچاؤ ۔ تم سے پہلے جنہوں نے اس ملک اور اس کے عوام کو نقصان پہنچایا وہ بھی اپنے آپ کو محب ِ وطن ہی سمجھتے تھے، وہ کب کہتے تھے کہ ہم اس ملک کے دشمن ہیں ؟ وہ بھی اپنے آپ کو دانشور سمجھتے تھے ۔ وہ کب کہتے تھے کہ ہم بے وقوف ہیں ؟

    یقین جانیئے کہ جو لوگ یہ نعرے لگاتے ہیں کہ ہم غیر جمہوری طریقوں سے حکومت کو گرنے نہیں دیں گے یہ بھی اس لیئے کہتے ہیں کہ انہیں ابھی حکومت گرتی ہوئی نظر نہیں آتی ، جب یہ موقع آیا تو نہ صرف یہ کہ بچانے میں اپنا کردار ادا نہیں کریں گے بلکہ جس طریقے سے بھی حکومت کو ہٹایا گیا یہ اسی طریقے کے عین جمہوری ہونے کے حق میں ایسی ایسی دلیلیں گے کہ سچائی انگشت بدنداں رہ جائے گی ۔

    فوج کے اشارے پر ایم کیو ایم اگر حکومت سے نکل کر اپوزیشن بینچوں پر بیٹھ جاتی ہے اور حکومت کی عددی اکثریت خطرے میں پڑ جاتی ہے تو کیا پی ایل ایم نواز حکومت کو گرنے سے پچانے کے لیئے اس کا حصہ بننے پر تیار ہو جائے گی ؟ نہیں اور کبھی نہیں ۔۔۔۔۔ تو پھر نتیجہ کیا نکلا ؟

    یہی کہ غیر جمہوری قوت نے عوام کی پانچ سال کے لیئے منتخب سول حکومت کو گرانے کے لیئے جو حکمت عملی ، پلان یا سازش تیار کی اس میں وہ کامیاب رہے اور جمہوریت کا راگ الاپنے والوں نے اسے بچانے کے لیئے کوئی کردار ادا نہ کیا

    بعض ٹی وی اینکرز ابھی تک اس سوال کا پیچھا نہیں چھوڑ رہے کہ پاکستان میں جمہوریت کے خلاف سازش کون کر رہا ہے ؟

    نواز شریف کہتے ہیں کہ ہم زرداری کی حکومت ختم کرنے کے لیئے کسی غیر آینی اقدام کی حمایت نہیں کریں گے ۔

    مسلم لیگ این سے پوچھا جائے کہ غیر آئینی طور پر سول حکومت کو کون ختم کر سکتا ہے؟ جو ان کا جواب ہے ، وہیں سے سازش ہونے کا سب سے بڑا خطرہ ہے ۔۔۔۔۔۔

  2. Hi,
    Kaleem butt sahab, Re your last sms in which you had all the truth mentioned about Chief Justice, well… bro u r missing the complete plot like many other PPP activists. Here are my few submissions:
    1.If all the points against the Chief Justice were valid so why did the PPP support his movement against Musharaf(just a way to get to power). PPP’s true leader(not this cinema ticket seller) called the current CJ her own CJ. Explain? Was she dumb or this bafoon is a be all and end all of knowledge?
    2.there is no doubt that PPP is a party of federation but it has many good leaders. Why all the corrupt ones have taken centre stage this time? Wats the contribution of Farooqis, especially sharmila. the only service that she seems good in providing doesnt necessitate he rto sit in office.
    3. Which government other than own PPP governmnet can find the killers of bhutto?who stops you to get hold of Musharaf, chaudrys or even that clown Nazaz sharif. So my dear Zardari never played sind card on Benazir’s death but he is playing it now when his own chair is shaking. impressive.
    4. People should get up and drag all this wadairas and industrialists on streets and beat them to death. A total system shake up,thats it. And may be few journalists who are paid to write fragmented truth for monetary gains. any one that u know butt saab?

  3. @Ali No. I do not personally know any journalist who are paid to write half truth, full truth, half lie or total lie. However, I do not have an iota of doubt about veracity of certain journalists and TV anchors etc whose sole purpose of existence seems to spread rumor and innuendo about PPP and its leadership.
    And if it could be any consolation for you, I just happen to be an executive working in financial sector who is in love with Bhutto.

  4. Uff… dumb was that?????????
    Wean all thank God that you are not apoet.
    That would have been the most idiotic poetry sms ever.
    it was even worse than those lame,distasteful Faraz SMS 😉

  5. Holy SMS
    by Nadeem F. Paracha

    Pakistanis love emailing and text messaging quotes from hadiths and assorted religious paraphernalia. I usually ignore such messages because in my mind I imagine a holy punter who is convinced that each email or SMS of his is getting him that much closer to booking a cosy place in heaven. The truth is that this (albeit irritating) activity is actually better than a holy bum blowing himself up in public to find that same place in Paradise.

    However, last Monday, as I again received my share of emails and SMSes quoting hadith and citing all that sophomoric stuff about ‘scientific proofs in the Qu’ran,’ I decided to answer one particular SMS; one I was receiving for the umpteenth time.

    This is how it went: Munafiq ki Nishaanian (signs of the hypocrite) – Jhoot bolna (telling lies); Wa’da khilafi karna (breaking promises); Khiyanat karma (stealing); Gaali dayna (swearing).

    So I replied: Sir/Madman, thank you for your SMS. But I think you forgot one more sign of being a munafiq, i.e. khaali khuli kay SMS karna (sending aimless SMSes).

    Right away the sender SMSed his/her reply: SMS technology wasn’t invented when the hadith were compiled. So you can’t say SMSing is a sign of being a munafiq.

    He/she quite obviously missed out on my sarcasm. No matter, I thought. At once, I SMSed him/her my reply: Brother/Sister, in that case, I am sure SMSing is haraam. In future I think you should use a pigeon to send your wonderful messages, or better, bring good tidings on a camel.

    There was silence for about 10 minutes. Then my phone buzzed again. He/She replied: I am female, so you can call me sister. I sense that you are making fun of my SMS. Very unfortunate, indeed. What was it that you found offensive in my SMS?

    I wrote back: Sister. You can call me Nadeem. There was nothing offensive in it, as such. I just wondered what made you the one to tell everybody else what a munafiq is. Are you suggesting you are not one yourself? If not, then do share with me the signs and nishaanian of a person who thinks he or she is not a munafiq.

    My phone buzzed again. This was her reply: Bhai, I was just spreading a good saying. I am not an angel, but at least I am conscious of avoiding things that can make one a munafiq. I send the SMS to many people, and most of them were happy and thankful.

    “Did they have a choice?” I wrote back. “You don’t even know me. SMSing unrelated men. A very un-Islamic thing to do, no?”

    “Dear, brother,” she SMSed, “I can’t see you, and neither can you see me. You are calling me sister, and I am referring to you as brother.”

    “Sister,” I wrote, “You speak well … in parables. Should I read your SMS metaphorically or literally?”

    “Brother,” she relied, “my SMS was only about good, clear advice. Read it as it is.”

    “But why bring religion into it?” I wrote back. “Can’t an irreligious person be good as well; or can’t he or she too give good, clear advice?”

    The phone beeped again: “Brother, I can’t understand how a person can be irreligious.”

    “Sister,” I replied, “An irreligious person is as much a human being as a religious person. What’s the confusion?”

    “Are you irreligious?” She wrote back.

    “What do you think?” I replied.

    “I think you are,” she wrote.

    “I see. If you think I am irreligious, does SMSing me make you a munafiq?” I wrote back.

    “No,” she replied. “Maybe my SMS will make you rediscover God.”

    “Rediscover God through an SMS?” I replied. “How very tech-savvy of you, dear sister.”

    “So are you irreligious or not?” she asked.

    “What if I was?” I replied.

    Bang came another advice: “A man without God is like a fish without water!”

    “Dear sister,” I wrote back. “How expectantly presumptuous of you. Are you also suggesting that the Taliban who also claim to believe in God are better than an irreligious person who may be a lot less violent?”

    “They are not Muslims!” she replied.

    “Oh? And how is that?” I wrote.

    “They are non-Muslims being paid to bring disrepute to Islam,” she replied.

    “And how do you know that, dear sister?”

    “It’s obvious. No Muslim would kill another Muslim.” she wrote back.

    “But it’s okay if he kills a non-Muslim?” I replied.

    “Yes, if he is attacked by a non-Muslim.”

    “So,” I wrote, “this should mean that the Taliban who are killing Americans in Afghanistan are Muslim, but the Taliban who are killing Muslims in Pakistan are non-Muslims being paid by kafirs?”

    “Yes,” came the reply.

    “Dear sister,” I wrote back, “you just presented yourself to be a glaring example of a munafiq! Jazaak Allah. I now truly understand.”

    “You have no right to say that,” she replied. “You are not even a Muslim!”

    “Did I say that I wasn’t?” I wrote.

    “No, but it’s obvious.”

    “How come everything is so obvious to you?” I replied.

    “That’s because I am a fish with water,” she wrote, with a smiley face.

    “Oh, you got that wrong, sister.” I wrote. “You are a fresh water fish stuck in salt water!”

    “Well, in that case, sorry to bother you. Have to go. My credit is running out,” she replied.

    “Oh, boy,” I wrote. “How can a good, honest, non-munafiq spreader of Islam not have what all good, honest, non-munafiq spreader of Islam should have?”

    “And what is that?” She replied.

    “A post-paid connection.”