LUBP Pakistani Media Awards 2010 – by Muhammad Amjad Rashid

Hello readers, how are you all?

We hope all of you are enjoying life because there is a remarkable change in Pakistan.

Pakistan is progressing day by day in terms of “freedom of opinion” because it is very free in Pakistan. It is so free that it is almost “free”.

We know that the Pakistani nation is fond of anything “free”, and that you are enjoying masterpieces of our media anchors, hosts and intellectuals totally free every day. So, it is high time to give awards to these “esteemed personalities” for their ‘genuine contributions’ to our nation’s prosperity.

1) Most super intellectual (male)

The award of most brilliant and super intellectual (male) in Pakistan is given to Syed Mushahid Hussain. He has done great things for Pakistan and the prosperity you see in Pakistan is due to him, because this entire “Pakistani success story in recent past” was due to him.

Without him Parvez Musharraf’s successes would not be possible surely. Now a days Syed Mushahid Hussain is “guiding” the public as he is the most “literate” and “intelligent” person in Pakistan. No one can say that he is more “intelligent” than Syed Mushahid Hussain in intellectual terms. He rightly thinks that, without him, it is impossible for Pakistan to exist in the map of the world.

Congratulations Mushahid Hussain on winning the biggest Pakistani media award.

2) Most super intellectual (female)

The award of most intelligent, brilliant and super intellectual (female) in Pakistan is given to Ms Shireen Mizari. The efforts of Ms Mazari can’t be forgotten and she will be always remembered in the “hearts” of all Pakistanis as she is the heroine of the “talk shows”.

Without her, the Pakistani political talk shows loose their charm and no drama creates which is like time wasting for the viewer. She got 99% votes for best “acting” in private TV talk shows. Her acting is far better than Pakistani tv drama artists. Now she is the role model for all political actors in Pakistan. Congratulations Shireen Mizari for winning the biggest female Pakistani media award.

3) Best Host

The award of best host in Pakistan is given to “Hamid Mir”. He is the man of crisis. When there is nothing done against government by other media persons, there is only one name that is the proof of durability of media campaigns, who is none other than Hamid Mir. He has a “heavy mind” in his broad skull which has made the Pakistani media proud. His biggest success is making “friendship” with Taliban which has had immense effect on global politics (and also on Khalid Khwaja’s family) and it will brighten Pakistan’s name in the whole world.

No matter what government does, he is always capable of finding new and latest issues, so the famous quote “Where there is a will, there is a way” perfectly suits on Hamid Mir.

4) Best Anchor

The award of best anchor in Pakistan is given to none other than Dr. Shahid Masood. Our whole nation is proud of you Dr. Shahid Masood. You have done a great job to consistently attack Asif Ali Zardari personally even at the cost of your own job (first in PTV then in Geo). You have won the hearts of Pakistani poor public because you have done really “meray mutabiq” and told the poor people of Pakistan to do always as “un k apnay mutabiq”, otherwise they would be deprived of honor and dignity. Dr. Shahid Masood! You are a backbone of establishment. Geo will miss you and ARY will kiss you.

5) Best Current Affairs Host

The award of best current affairs programme is given to the Lush Push show of Kamran Khan. Khan shares history of glory with Imran Khan in his family background. You along with Imran Khan are the “wisest person” in Pakistan, you should be proud to be the hero of Geo TV (don’t read Jew TV please). The people don’t see the classic PTV drama at 8:00 P.M. in night daily as they find “more interesting” drama in Kamran Khan Show absolutely free.

So the Kamran Khan show has provided great entertainment to the people of Pakistan. It has also made better the economy of the common man of Pakistan because after watching it, they simply go to sleep lacking any “live dreams” in their eyes! So they start to see dreams in early night by sleeping which is good for WAPDA to save precious electricity which was wasted due to PTV dramas before.

6) Best Predictor (Astrologist)

The next award is for the best predictor of Pakistan which is given to Ansar Abbasi. Ansar Abbasi has a charming personality and he is the owner of great skills of writing and speaking for the “no. 1 media in the world”, i.e., the Pakistani media.

He is master in predicting the “exact date and month” for the demise of the PPP government. Although all his predictions have consistently proven wrong but it is not easy to predict always and it is not so much easy that anyone will do it.

It is day and night work to run after the establishment and bureaucracy officials to make accurate predictions. Keep it up Ansar Abbasi! We are waiting for more predictions with great patience. Entire nation is proud of you, you are a true son of Pakistani establishment.

7) Best Secret Reporter

The next, very important award is the award for best secret reporter which is given to Shaheen Sahbai. He has offered his precious services to bring out the “real faces” of Rehman Malik, Dr. Babar Awan, Farooq H Naik and Latif Khosa before the innocent public of Pakistan which is a great favor to the whole nation.

The nation will never forget the free services of Shaheen Sahbai. Although these 4 “eagles of Zardari” have not taken flight in the sky but it is the “beautiful strategy” of Shaheen Sahbai to keep these four persons in front of the media always. Shaheen Sahbai is the man of crisis. Establishment is always proud of him.

Readers, we hope you have been clapping to “pay tribute” to these “famous personalities”. You all should cheer them with open (not heavy) heart. The people who have not got awards should not loose heart because if they adopt today’s award winners as their “spiritual teachers” then it is great possibility that they might be also in the top list next time. The seven wonderful persons who have been awarded “the best” should work more hard against the PPP and the democratic government because it is our foremost obligation by which Allah (and Munawar Hasan too) will be happy as well as the 18 crore awam.

Keep it up always. Best of luck to you all again! We shall meet in next year on same date, same day, same month but next year with more nominees.

After the budget 2010, new race has started and we shall see new “runners” in the race in near future. Best luck to all new comers! It is great fun to blame politicians, Asif Ali Zardari in particular, for every rotten thing in the state of Pakistan. That is the key, always remember the Aabpara bible in mind!



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