It’s that time of the year again. The feeds on my social media profiles are full of heated debates about Valentine’s Day, and the TV is full of advertisements about special Valentine’s Day transmissions. The people for it and against it are equally passionate about the subject, and it can be observed from their messages how deeply concerned they are about this nation’s cultural choices.

As I do in all matters that do not concern me, I took it upon myself to make fun of both parties. This blog is not intended to be offensive, and I believe celebrating or not celebrating a day should be a matter of personal choice. Obligatory politically correct statements aside, let’s get to the fun parts.

The Naysayers’ Opinion

 

What they say

1. It’s un-Islamic to celebrate Valentine’s Day, because Saint Valentine was a Christian.
2. It’s not part of our Pakistani culture.
3. What if it’s your sister out there getting a gift from a guy? Would you be able to swallow it?
4. Why dedicate one special day to love? Why not exchange gifts with your beloved throughout the year?

And the list goes on. I will not get into deeply religious stuff, because that’s a good way to get killed out here, but let’s just say I read a message by a friend, from ALLAH, along the lines of “Why would you love someone else when you have Me, the creator of all mankind?” I am not even going to comment on that.

What I hear

Look at me. I am so righteous, and such a good Muslim, and such a great Pakistani. I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day but that’s not enough. I am so concerned about the afterlife of all my fellow human beings that I am going to make them do as I do, and I am going to drag them to heaven if I must. You all have to agree with my point of view, or I will declare you dishonored, and not in a fun stealth/Whale Punk kinda way.

The Yeasayers’ Opinion

What they say

1. It’s an expression of love. It is the perfect opportunity to let my beloved know about my feelings in a safe way.
2. If I don’t get her a gift, she might breakup with me.
3. I am married, so I can get her a gift, wear red clothes, and still be a good Muslim.
4. We have a lot to mourn and very little to celebrate, so why the hell not?

This list goes on as well. But the most obnoxious of those arguments has to be, “It’s a day about love. It doesn’t have to be about romantic love. I would send gifts to my mother, father, siblings, and friends.” No one is buying it bro, it’s a day about romantic love, if its not, then why am I so freaking depressed?

What I hear

I am not entirely equipped to debate with the religious folk, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying before. I will try to get everyone to agree with me even if I don’t make any sense. If celebrating Valentine’s Day makes me a bad Pakistani, so be it. I will sacrifice anything for love, and yes, I love my wife, and all three of my girlfriends. Cheating? No, a man is allowed to have four women simultaneously, aren’t you a Muslim?

My Opinion

If you have made it this far into the blog and have not switched to incognito mode or one of those blogs by those fancy writers, then you came here for my opinion. If that’s the case, I love you. Yes, all five of you.

Getting back to the topic, I see these debates from afar. I do not participate in them, because lets be honest, as a nation we have bigger fish to fry. A man and his wife were killed on Shahrah-e-Faisal yesterday, because they belonged to the Shia faith. A bakery owner was killed in Johar for the exact same reason today. There are places in Balochistan and KP that are out of the government’s control, and there is practically no government in Karachi. Compared to all these issues, Valentine’s Day, to me, is a non issue.

On a lighter note, there is one thing common between all those who debate in favor of or against celebrating Valentine’s Day. Most of them are single men in their 20s and 30s, and have nothing better to do with their time.

Thanks for reading, and share this with your friends and family as a Valentine’s Day gift. I need the popularity.

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