Liberal fascist is an oxymoron. Liberals according to definition are those, ‘who believe in maximum individual freedom possible and the ideas of liberty and equality.’ And the term fascist according to definition, ‘is a person who is dictatorial or has extreme right-wing views, and wants to impose militaristic nationalism’. The Socrates of journalism coined this term that means a person who believes in dictatorship of equality and liberty. Only our columnists can tell the exact meaning of this term they have invented. Here is a simple easy test to spot a liberal fascist among ourselves.
1. If you are wearing your Bermudas higher than your ankles you are liberal fascist, but if you are wearing your shalwar higher than your ankles, then you are a pious, patriotic citizen.
2. If you support al Qaeda and the Taliban’s methods to impose sharia, you are a conformist, but if you are an advocate of human rights, you are a liberal fascist.
3. You are a liberal fascist if you don’t see the hands of Blackwater, Raw and CIA in the bombing of girls/boys school in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa.
4. You are liberal fascist if you quote the August 11th speech of Quaid-e-Azam on Facebook and Twitter.
5. You are a proud member of civil society if you supported the restoration of judiciary with Qadhi Hussain, Amina Janjua, the Lal mosque brigade, Tsunami Khan, Raiwind Sharrif and Hamid bin Flower, but if you are against one-sided judicial activism, you are a liberal fascist.
6. If you don’t believe that only politicians are corrupt, and want accountability of judges, army, mullahs and the bureaucracy, you a liberal fascist.
7. If you are a follower of the revolution of Toru (garmi mein kharab ho rehain hain) you are a true liberal like Mick Jagger, Jemima Goldsmith, Lady Diana and Shane Warne, but if you are against revolution, you are a supporter of the status quo parties and a liberal fascist.
8. You are a liberal fascist, if you don’t believe in what Zaid Hamid says on TV.
9. If you believe that drone attacks are killing innocent civilians, you are a defender of the sovereignty of state, but if you believe that drones are killing foreign terrorists, you a liberal fascist and brainwashed by Western propaganda.
10. If you believe that once America leaves Afghanistan, everything will be hunky dory in this part of the world, you are a realist, but if you believe that intra-faction fighting and more violence and destruction will follow, you are a liberal fascist.
11. If you believe that 9/11 was the work of Muslims, and that Jews were not absent in twin towers, you are again a liberal fascist.
12. You are a supporter of home-grown talent, if you support the inventors of the water car technology, but if you are supporter of thermodynamics, you are liberal fascist.
13. If you are protesting the martyrdom of 22 Pakistani soldiers in Salala, you are a patriotic, but if you protest against the beheading of 18 Pakistani soldiers by the Taliban, you are liberal fascist.
14. If you pronounce Ramazan as Ramadan, you are a good Muslim but if you insist on Khuda Hafiz, you are liberal fascist.
15. If you believe that all blasphemy suspects shall have a fair trial, you are a liberal fascist, who is suffering from an inferiority complex.
16. If you don’t support Chaudhry Arsalan, you are a paid lackey of Malik Riaz and a liberal fascist.
17. If you believe that the Akhwan-ul-Muslimeen electoral victory in Egypt gave them the right to legislate according to their ideology, you a demagogue, but if you believe that PPP also has the right to legislate according to their party policy, you are a liberal fascist.
18. If you believe that Qadeer Khan is the father of the atomic bomb, you are a lover of scientists’ contribution to Pakistan’s defence, if you believe that he is a metallurgist who borrowed technology from Denmark and China, you are a liberal fascist, and a Western puppet.
19. If you believe Pakistan’s history starts from Muhammad bin Qasim’s invasion of Sindh you are a true text book Pakistani, but if you believe Taxila and Mohenjodaro are also part of our history, you are a liberal fascist.
20. If you believe that we are one nation, you are a patriot, but if you believe that we are federation of four different nationalities in Pakistan, you are a liberal fascist.
-All illustrations are by Sabir Nazar