Husain Haqqani’s indictment by army-backed judiciary – by Hakim Hazik
State vs. Lamb Husain alias Ram Parkash.
The court reminds you that you are under oath tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
The petitioner Wolf Uddin has submitted to this full bench that you have conspired and collaborated with a foreign power to bring the armed forces of this great pasture into disrepute. You have conspired to attack their morale and tried to disturb the peace of the forest.
You are accused of trying to enlist foreign intervention to disallow the Commander in Chief his hard earned morsel which have been guaranteed by law and enshrined in the constitution. This includes his right to eat you after he has hunted you down through honest exertion, in an open and transparent manner. You have joined hands with your totally corrupt and completely discredited auntie, Sheep Raza and your decrepit god mother, the dowager Goat Ali to ensure the supremacy of the lambs over wolves.
The petitioner maintains that the supremacy of the wolves over other animals has been established by God and no power on earth has the authority to revoke it. This has been recognized by the founding fathers in the resolution of 1949 which provides the preamble to the constitution.
The petitioner maintains that you have tried to muddy the waters of the Mississippi by trying to drink from the source. This great stream nurtures the whole of the fatherland especially the Wolf Pack. By causing it to be unclean, you have conspired to divert it to the Sheep’s Pen, which can not be allowed in an ideological pasture.
The court will be assisted in the proceedings by amicus curiae, Syed Walter Husain Mitty, resident of Monaco and international trader of black berries and other soft fruit. He has been instrumental in solving various thorny legal issues including the place of burqas in Islam for brave mullahs in distress.
You and your co-conspirators have spread rumours that the Alpha Male was trying to arrange an out of season barbecue, with foreign dignitaries where you and your aunties would have been offered the pride of place on the menu. It is alleged that you tried to wriggle out of this excellent and fair arrangement by going to the Lion King and asked him to intervene in the internal affairs of the fatherland.
You must have known that once your are eaten, you would be a totally internal matter and any attempt to frustrate the fatherland would be a breach of the national sovereignty.
It is stressed that you have a right to air your grievances in a legally constituted forum, supported by the sovereign institutions where you have complete freedom to decide whether you would like to be marinated or not before this happy occasion and to choose of your own free will whether you would like to be served with barbecue or chili sauce. Sadly it is alleged that you have not availed these democratic freedoms available to all residents of this pastureland.
Do you Lamb Husain plead guilty or not guilty?
Guilty… as charged. My Lord.