12 reasons why I want to join Pakistan military – by Ali Suleman
Yes, the article narrates 12 reasons which I feel are compelling for me to join Pakistan military. And no, this isn’t another of those 7 grader essays. So what is it? It’s a satire. The worst nightmare of a satirist is when he has to tell himself that the piece he has written is a satire. But thanks to our forgiving nation, even after the two consecutive security-cum-intelligence fiascos this month, one has to mention in clear and blatant words if he wants to write a satire on the military, lest people take it as a goody-goody essay. So this is a satire on Pakistan’s armed forces. And the 12 reasons I want to join Pakistan armed forces are:
- You get a healthy amount of money for doing exercise, which otherwise might cost you a month’s allowance if you try doing it in a gym.
- You are paid for getting education, something only a student from Shehzad Roy’s NGO – I am paid to learn – can boast of from the civilian lot.
- You can shop till you drop at discounted rates at Canteen Stores Department aka CSD, and still our forwarded text messages state the Parliament’s Cafeteria rates.
- You have the authority to brand anyone who raises a voice against your earnings as an Indian agent.
- No one ever counts the number of cars you own, the acres of plots you get and the amount of money you make throughout your career; we’ve got the punch-bag politicians to practice our bashing skills on instead.
- Whenever you like, you can stand up and announce a coup, dissolve the elected assemblies, abrogate the constitution and you actually gather a huge public support for that. All you say is “Those bloody civilians”.
- You get free media coverage not only on September 6, but also on any day that is feebly ‘national’, even if you weren’t born before 1965.
- You are glorified as if you’ve come from the heavens for just being in the forces, for just doing your job (even if you aren’t doing it)!
- Patriotism is synonymous to eulogizing you.
- Whenever you fail, you are showered with petals and streets are decorated with “Pak fauj k jo khilaaf, wo qaum ka ghaddar!” banners in no time.
- You can simply escape your failures by putting the blame on others. No one will dare ask you twice.
- The truckers love you across Pakistan with a portrait of “Ayub Khan” and slogan “Pak Fauj ko surkh salaam”
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Thanks, voice of sanity. :] I liked this.
I can add one more to the above list. “After we screw up, we organize demonstrations saying “Pak Army is best in the world” ” 🙂
A novel slogan was spotted on the back of a Lahore rickshaw: “Horn na bajana. Fauj so rahi hai.”
Amazing! The reasons chime quite sensible – Of course, one cannot rebuff the mode, their negligences & scandals are forgiven & a deaf ear is turned to their flaws & treacherousness.
Add this also:
“I want to join Pak Army so that I can blow PPP leaders to smithereens and make PPP my b!tch”.
here is what i would say…..
1. You get a healthy amount of money for doing exercise, which otherwise might cost you a month’s pay if you try doing it in a gym.(do agree but i have seen SSG officers including Generals who suffer back and joint pains just at the age of 35 coz of the intense exercises, its obviously not something they want at the gym but they still do it because they have a duty to perform and a nation to defend they do out of the ordinary and still you will never feel like it coz they are never meant to show it off)
2. You are paid for getting education, something only a student from Shehzad Roy’s NGO – I am paid to learn – can boast of from the civilian lot.(thats a good enough reason isn’t it? 🙂 unis send students for PHDs with a bond to serve them back for 3 years, its just like that its an investment, no wonder how our Army do quite well)
3. You can shop at discounted rates, and still our forwarded text messages state the Parliament Cafeteria rates (faked, that too), and never of CSDs.(they deserve it, after so much of effort they put in they could have earned a lot better if they were not in the Army)
4. You have the authority to brand anyone who raises a voice against your earnings as an Indian agent.(at least they have guts to do that, our so called democratic government can’t even point a finger towards our east even if they have a solid proof of their involvement in any attack)
5. No one ever counts the number of cars you own, the acres of plots you get and the amount of money you make throughout your career; we’ve got the punch-bag politicians to practice our bashing skills on instead.(what? they don’t have the rights to earn or something? u expect them to just patrol our borders, tho unfortunately v need them everywhere now a days, those who deserve earn)
6. Whenever you like, you can stand up and announce a coup, dissolve the elected assemblies, abrogate the constitution and you actually gather a huge public support for that.(don’t tell me u don’t want that to happen tonight? v think democracy is good coz west say so? REALLY!? at least Generals can take decisions and stick to that, tho i agree they have an aggressive approach but most of the ppl on our side work best in aggression, still nothing to worry about coz Army ain’t coming tonight, or some other night, coz every time they do they get to blamed, live with it this time and see how long can v take it)
7. You get free media coverage not only on September 6, but also on any day that is feebly ‘national’, even if you weren’t born by 1965.(no comments, they are not there as an entertainment industry)
8. You are glorified as if you’ve come from the heavens for just being in the forces, for just doing your job (even if you aren’t doing it)!(ever heard of field court martial? its a death to an officer who don’t perform their duties properly, nothing worst then that, down goes the glory with them, how can u expect them to be so disciplined if glorification is all they get)
9. Patriotism is synonymous to eulogizing you.(of course it has nothing to do with the bullets on the chest to protect the mother land,it has nothing to do with Captain Mohammad Sarwar Shaheed,Major Tufail Mohammad Shaheed,Major Raja Aziz Bhatti Shaheed,Rashid Minhas Shaheed,Havaldaar Lalak Jan Shaheed and the list can go on)
10. Whenever you fail, you are showered with petals and streets are decorated with “Pak fauj k jo khilaaf, wo qaum ka ghaddar!” banners in no time.(coz they are our only hope out there, and v r the only reason for them to fight in stressed conditions, and hopelessness is “kufar”.)
11. You can simply escape your failures by putting the blame on others. No one will dare ask you twice.(you got to be kidding me, they r the only governing officials who take the blame on them, no matter what the outcome with some exceptions, the whole pond can’t be blamed coz of a single bad fish)
the whole point is not to go against what u r saying Ali everyone has the right to say, and i am not being optimist towards Army coz all my past generations have been in the Army as far as i know, and i don’t hate Army even tho i have been twice rejected by ISSB. They have a duty to perform, and if in these most uncertain conditions v don’t believe in them than all is lost i am afraid. No matter how trained or advanced u r, u still r not untouchable,the past events v witnessed were performed by professionals , they had the advantage of information about when, where, why and how. v r at war against the 5 most powerful nations of the world,*no need to name them* doesn’t that make u feel proud that v still r surviving 🙂
Long Live Pakistan!
So All the above reasons are something that all the people believe in to be true so how about joining the forces instead of criticizing ????
I can name a few organizations or may be including the names of people who are doing the same…so basically either civilian or armed forces person the Pakistani awaz is the same.:p
p.s. The writer of this article looks like a frustrated person who did not get a chance to enjoy the benefits of FAUJ and has written the article in frustration :p
The nation ought to wake up and hold this PPP Government accountable for all the cover ups and complicity with the generals and the Americans on drone attacks, issue of free visas and access to CIA agents in Pakistan, pursuing US agenda and selling their souls to the devil for a few dollars.When will we kick out this corrupt government. Shame on us as a nation for sleeping even in these critical moments.
@ Mk:
All those institutions you pointing at?! Woh is mulk ki hukumaton per qabzay nai kerte,woh besharmon ki tarah India se khud jang kerke hathyaar nahi daalte aur unko hum apne budget ka majority hissa nahi dete.
Well written Ahmed
@ abu Yossef:
agar Army, ISI, hukumat, America aur Taliban sab keh rahe hain ke drone attacks mei deshatgard mar rahe hain tou phir inko kyu roka jaaye?Is fouj ko lagam deni hogi,hukumat tou dou saal mei khatam ho he jaye gi
Please someone make these Bold
9. Patriotism is synonymous to eulogizing you.
10. Whenever you fail, you are showered with petals and streets are decorated with “Pak fauj k jo khilaaf, wo qaum ka ghaddar!” banners in no time.
11. You can simply escape your failures by putting the blame on others. No one will dare ask you twice.
Would we ever learn *sigh* – 90,000 surrendering didn’t – take over of country thrice on gun point didn’t – losing three wars consecutively didn’t – Million Breaches of Borders didn’t – arming, training safeguarding and enriching terrorists didn’t – incompetence against ragtag numerically less terrorists didn’t – Devouring of all the national assets, revenue and real estate for personal gain didn’t
NOTHING would ever wake the people of this country….
and Saad mian with all your examples ..
Pakistan POLICE does MORE work .. and gets thousand times less paid.. and they have lost more men..
Agree with auther
That was the lamest of the lamest articles ever read on LUBP.
All the high level qualities you tried to impose on 617,000 active military soldiers are not seen in a way u see and portray, by those soldiers. You may be right for few hundreds (or may be thousands) military officials, but this is totally unrepresentative of the whole army.
Why people join army is because to serve their country and protect it from enemies. You have crossed 63.7 post independence years, and lost just a piece of Bangladesh, which no army in the world can protect, given the same distance, and an intermediary enemy like India in the middle. With such a NONSENSE ARMY (as u think), these are very highlightable years of independence.
Just like PPP workers are cursed due to KARNAMAAZ of their shameless elected ministers, and you know no one has the right to say all voters are piece of crap for those few ministers, so do the remaining (90%) army has the reason not to be blamed.
You are weak in your own parties. As long as you r weak, you are giving an open invitation to those military personnels to finger in you. You need to get so called jamhooriat in your own parties. Remove the hijackers, and then you can take the right decisions. The real awami decisions…
Every one is talking about PPP corruption, You cant say whole awam is bewaqoof. Pehle apnay aap ko sahi karo then army ka socho. Ye looli langri army nahi ho gi to do you expect sadar zardari, gilani, nawaz, qazi, maulana or deegar mulk k liye larayngay?? LOL this will be the joke of this century.
And just after posting above comment at 11:32 am PST, WTF!! you are not hosting your site from beloved Pakistan??? Tch tch tch
http://tejji.com/ip/ip-to-location.aspx?ip=173.230.133.186
If you can’t host a little website (for Pakistan) from Pakistan, please don’t argue about army 😛
Btw Im clicking on submit comment button at 11:42am PST
They (Generals) just like two things:
1.”Scotch whiskey”
2.”Wife swapping”
they kill leaders of nations through military trial,they never posted there Sons,and relative to waziristan and swat.they need discount in everything,
Generals running following Institute:
1.FFC
2.NLC
3.DHA authorities
they call civilian and politian “bloody”,tell our youth wrong history of 1965,1948,1971,1999.wars with india.In there School books,
I will die for my motherland Pakistan,But its enough now.
its a long list,i can write many things …………………………………………………………………………………
“Welcome to the Pak Army Hotline .. For Real Estate press 1; for Banking Services press 2; for Construction and Civil Contractor Services press 3; for Logistics press 4; for Agricultural Services press 5; for Retail Services press 6; for Consumer goods press 7; for Bakery Goods press 8; for Restaurant and Wedding Hall Services including Army bands for hire and Bridal Joras press 9; for Security Services and in case of enemy attack please hold on … (And to the tune of Madam Noor Jehan’s ‘Mere Dhol Sipaya’): You are in a Queue but your call will be answered soon by ‘Brinks’ …”
satire and hatred are quite different my friend…you are spewing venom…why you hate the very people who are protecting your life and your mother and sister from being raped by indian army, now don’t say that this is a lie told by Pak Army, just read HR International reports…Good Luck to you and your satire…dare come and pick up a gun and stand in the hail of bullets…cowards like you are masters of words
@Bash, we truly respect your sentiments, especially the fact when you are viewing our website and commenting from a NUST server. bash (IP: 111.68.106.38 , mcs.nust.edu.pk)
As far taking bullets are concerned or women being raped by Indians, arent our fellow Pakistanis killing us Pakistanis or those being raped in Pakistan are not being raped by fellow Pakistanis?
Ahmed Iqbalabadi: How do you know Bash is from NUST? Tell me mine.
@Bibrak, gladly: Bibrak (IP: 111.68.97.18 , 111.68.97.18.nust.edu.pk)
Lol
Ahmed Iqbalabadi: ok you did simple nslookups rather a reverse DNS lookup 😛
But please share with me why to appreciate anyone if the IP is from NUST. NUST being Faugi ??
Nice Article. Meray pyaray fauji jernailon, dafa ho jao apni barracks may aur apnee duffer aqal left right march main lagao aur humari jaan chor do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlbSyaCH3C8
Watch the above video. Straight talking by Asma Jahangir.
While an excellent satire, it is Memorial Day here in the United States, and I am reminded of the good things military does for a country-
I wonder if the majority of the ranks of military in Pakistan, enlisted and officers – wouldn’t they mostly be good people, from families like yours and mine, trying to serve their country, one hopes, with honor? Certainly, some are not, some from the Madrassas, hand-picked from the fundamental Islamists- the “rogue” elements that sleep with the enemy (TTP/ Good and Bad Taliban, LeT, LeJ); but, even in the German army, I remember hearing some good stories.
I am not trying to be an apologist. Just thinking about the good ones out there, that’s all. Maybe it is the politicized military leaders that are mostly satire material.
Here is an example of Islamic Turks honoring their enemies, the Australian Army for bravery at Gallipoli, WWI:
http://www.demotix.com/news/55519/94th-anniversary-world-war-ones-gallipoli-campaign
tum bare hi ullu ke pathe ho
lol
i agree with the writer but the writer is giving a negative picture of joining army and is making joke at those people who are serving day and night to defend their country ……cant the author give the picture from positive point of view like people of army are always ready to sacrifice their lives for others ,,they have jazba e shahadat instead of money on their mind
While making joke on our brave Pakistan Army the author has been cross all the limit of lies. It is our Army who has been laid their lives to safeguard our National border. The author is requested to check up with psychiatrist and also take admission in lie and fabricated university as senior teacher.
A sloppy piece of writing lacking any depth and truth
Sir, i donot agree with you its not write what you are saying .Are you a Pakistani ? if yes have you ever thought how you can sleep such easily in your warm beds .Because the soilders of Pakistan army are fighting out there for your peace .i believe you must love your mother and your mother must love you . have you ever thought about the mothers who sent their sons and daughters in the forces to protect their mother land, your motherland. my motherland .and have you ever thought about the Shahids no sir you are just a person with no love for his nation and his protecters please give the true picture of the Pakistan army.