“God instructed me to kill” – by Junaid Noor
The chief justice of Pakistan, Justice Iftikhar Hussain Chaudhry, has taken suo motu notice against the murder of governor Punjab, the late Salman Taseer. The suo motu notice has been taken because the police does not want to take any action since everyone in the police and army is scared of
1. Tehreek-e-Namoos-e-Risalat
2. Tehreek-e-Namoos-e-Zia-Ul-Haq
3. Tehreek-e-Namoos-e-PML(N)
4. Tehreek-e-Namoos-e- Muhammad Bin Qasim
5. Tehreek-e-Namoos-e-Asif/Amir/Salman Butt
That is pretty much the whole of Pakistan. Yes, that’s true. That list is pretty much 99% of Pakistan. Being less in numbers, the Pakistan police force has every right to be scared. The police is small in numbers as
compared to the army and the army is busy liberating Kashmir from India, digging strategic depth in Afghanistan and researching various real-estate investments in Pakistan.
Mumtaz Qadri is standing in front of the Chief Justice of Pakistan and is asked to present his defense. Nearly 500 lawyers have volunteered to defend Mumtaz Qadri but Mumtaz Qadri does not have enough money to pay for his defense. Most lawyers have assured Qadri that he can later on pay their legal fees once he has received his 2 crore Rupees reward for the murder of the blasphemous Salman Taseer from Maulana Krash Prash, Imam of the Jamia-Masjid, Hakuna Matata, district Billi-Tang. But Qadri is suspicious
that the Imam will play foul and will not pay the reward any more. Hence Qadri has decided to do his defense on his own.
Chief Justice = CJ
Mumtaz Qadri = MQ
Salman Taseer = ST
CJ: ” Muhammad Bin Qasim, what justification you have for murdering governor ST?”
MQ: “My name is Mumtaz Qadri, but thanks for calling me Mohammad Bin Qasim. I have read a lot about Bin Qasim in the Pakistan studies books. He is my favorite hero after Imran Khan since childhood. I have heard, he was so handsome that all the daughters of Raja Dahir married him. I never understood how could he marry two sisters at the same time since Islam does not allow marrying of two sisters at the same time.”
CJ: “Order order order. Do not try to insult my intelligence. I know your name is not Bin Qasim. I mistakenly called you Bin Qasim because in my sub-conscience, you are as great as Bin Qasim.
The crowd of lawyers, media w****es, religious fanatics and common people shout Allah-O-Akbar so loudly that the window panes of the supreme court which were previously broken by PML(N) thugs not so long ago, when they were trying to conquer the supreme court, inspired by Pak Army which conquers Pakistan every now and then, break down into pieces.
People continue shouting slogans of
1. Pakistan Zindabad
2. Mumtaz Qadri zindabad
3. Dr Aamir Liquat Zindabad
4. General Hamid Gul Zindabad
5. Dr Shahid Masood Zindabad
6. Maulana Diesel Zindabad
7. Dr Qadeer Khan Zindabad
8. Pakistan cricket team zindabad
9. Pakistan nuclear weapons zindabad
Intermittently there are also chants of
1. Hindustan Murdabad
2. Israel Murdabad
3. Yahood-o-Hunood Murdabad
4. CIA/Mossad/Raw/MI5/KGB Murdabad
5. Veena Malik Murdabad
The CJ climbs his desk and uses a loud speaker to announce “Order Order Order”
The CJ threatens
“If order is not maintained in the court room, I will have to call General Ashfaq Pervaiz Kiyani to order a ceasefire in Kashmir so that an infantry brigade can be re-called from the border and deputed to the court room for restoring order. Don’t you guys want to liberate Kashmir from the clutches of chalak Hindu banya?”
The crowd suddenly accepts the emotional blackmail and falls silent.
The proceedings continue
CJ: “Mumtaz Qadri, how would you like to justify your on duty murder which you committed by pumping two magazines into the body of that blasphemer , I mean the late Governor ST?”
MQ: “I was following orders.”
CJ: “Whose orders were you following?”
MQ: “I was following God’s orders”
There is a slight murmur in the court room and the proceedings continue
CJ: “What proof do you have that you committed the murder on God’s orders?”
MQ: ” 1. What proof did Muhammad Bin Qasim have when he invaded Hindustan on
orders of God?
2. What proof did Zaheer-ud-din Babar have when he invaded Hindustan on
orders of God?
3. What proof did Aurangzeb Alamgir have when he imprisoned his father on
orders of God?
CJ: “Who told you that they were ordered by God?”
MQ: “Text Book for Pakistan studies. Chatper I,II,III, pg, 34, 56, 77respectively”
CJ: “I never studied such a text book when I was a kid.”
MQ: “That is because you never benefited from the educational revolution brought about by the great Mujahid, the liberator of Afghanistan. Had you read the text books of Hazrat General Zia-Ul-Haq you would have agreed with what I am saying. Hazrat Maulana General Zia-Ul-Haq, Mard-e-Momin-Mard-e-Haq set up a team of great scholars who authored the real history of Pakistan and you can read that history by reading any Pakistan studies book of 1980s or the text books of the time of ex-Ameer-ul-momineen, Hazrat Ganj Nawaz Shareef who has just returned from exile after living in London for 5 years.
CJ: “That is utter nonsense. Put forward some credible evidence which can be accepted in a court of law.”
MQ: ” God instructed me to kill and hence I killed. Which part of my sentence you don’t understand?”
A lawyer from the crowd, jumps to MQ’s rescue and helps MQ by using his legal expertise and argues.
Lawyer: “The constitution of Pakistan says that Sovereignty belongs to Allah alone but He has delegated it to the State of Pakistan through its people for being exercised within the limits prescribed by Him as a sacred trust.
This proves that God exists and if He exists then he can also ask MQ to do a small task as well. If you do not accept MQ’s claim that God instructed him to go for the kill then you are rejecting the constitution which has empowered you as the judge of the supreme court of the Islamic Caliphate, I mean the Islamic republic of Pakistan in the first place. And you are also becoming an apostate at the same time since you are rejecting God”
The crowd breaks into a thundering applause. Slogans are chanted again and order has to be restored yet again.
CJ: “Your arguments cannot be accepted as you are not the legal representative of Qadri. Go back to your place and do not interrupt again. Or I will ask the 110 Brigade from Rawalpindi to stage a coup and come and arrest you.”
CJ: “MQ, I am giving you a last chance to defend yourself and save yourself from the gallows.”
MQ: “1. Just like Hazrat Maulana General Zia-Ul-Haq was instructed by God to overthrow the elected gov of Bhutto.
2. Just like Mard-e-Momin Mard-e-Haq Zia-Ul-Haq was instructed by God to side with the Bible believing Christian Americans and to fight against the infidel, atheist Communists.
3. Just like God instructed Hazrat General Hameed Gul to topple the un-Islamic gov of a woman.
4. Just like God instructed Ganj Nawaz Shareef to declare himself Ameer-ul-momineen
Similarly, God instructed me to kill the satanic Salman”.
The whole court room falls into a deafening silence. Everyone is spell bound by the arguments of a poor lower middle class police guard.
After a long pause, the CJ gathers some strength and is about to announce the verdict when all of a sudden Tariq Aziz (the former host of Neelam-Ghar and who had previously attacked the supreme court under the instructions of PML(N)) re-appears again at the gates of the supreme court, after almost 15 years, with an army of balaclava clad, angry, rampaging hooligans who ransack everything that comes their way.
The thugs enter the main court room where the hearing is being conducted and start pushing, shoving and beating up every one. Tariq Aziz goes for the kill and jumps straight towards the podium where the CJ is sitting. The CJ is so frightened that he runs away. Tariq Aziz stands on the podium and declares that the trial is un-Islamic and illegal since the murderer of a blasphemer can only be tried in an Islamic court of an Islamic country.
Complete chaos follows, MQ silently sneaks out never to be seen again. The CJ later on re-surfaces in another court and takes another suo motu notice against the guards of the supreme court for not being able to defend the supreme court against PML(N).
The lawyers distribute sweets, the mullahs march victoriously around the streets of Pakistan and Asia Bibi is hanged to death.
Thanks for publishing. That was quick. 🙂
Hilarious and sharp. 😀
That was too good!!!
bohat acha hai
Dear You forget one most importent ISI tehreek….Tehreek-e-Namoos-e AFIA SIDIQUI
Zindah hai Ziaul Haq Shaheed Zindah hai
Ghazi teri azmat ko salam
@Junaid,
Bravo !
Wonderful Satire, please keep it up !
OMG, real facts about Islamic Republic of (Na) Pakistan in a funny way but absolutely right.
Junaid, very good satire. Keep up the good work.
Hay junaid nice work keep it up.
Have u ever met with Asia Bibi (may b she can b innocent, this was the order of Court and can b challenged in court beside to change the law to praise American Father).
Law can be emended that it will charge same punishment against False applicant.)
I feel pity for liquors who deprived from a facilitator father. 😉
Keep it up…………….
Brilliant piece of writing. Marvellous.
Reaction to Salman Taseer’s murder has broken 7 myths:
1) Myth that Barelvi Islam offers a solution against hardline Deobandi Islam. The petro dollars showered by the Saudi establishment on the Deobandi madrassas, due to certain ideological ……similarit…ies, has led the Deobandis to align themselves closer with the Salafi ideal.
Qadri is Barelvi. 500 clerics of the Barelvi sect under the umbrella of Jamaat-e-Ahl-e-Sunnat expressed strong support for the murder.
2) Myth that moderates within Islam would reform it from within as other religions have adopted self-critical attitudes towards their religions. The Islamabad-based trade union leader invoking his faith to justify the murder.
3) Myth that access to democracy would moderate the impact of religious parties. Democracy has led to intensification of religious feelings amongst the populace. The structure of Islam renders it vulnerable to pushing the society towards increased religiosity. JI has been part and parcel of Pakistani politics and till recently was in power in KPK as part of the MMA alliance. Yet, it issued a statement of support in favour of the murderer.
4) Myth that access to Internet would moderate Pakistani. Within hours of the assassination, a Facebook fan page honoring the murderer had more than a thousand followers with the number increasing at five per minute, before th…e Facebook closed the page down, still other pages opened with huge following. Internet causes a bandwagon effect where people with similar irrational beliefs strengthen their personal convictions through a subconscious appeal to the large number of external entities subscribing to consonant viewpoints. The opening up of social networks facilitated through internet, has not been able to moderate extremist tendencies in Islam.
5) Myth is that access to education and foreign aid would moderate Pakistan. There has been huge foreign aid but pit is so deep and corruption so rampant that it could not alleviate poverty, which finds solace in organised r…eligion. Pakistan never adopted modern secular international education system, though more schools opened. Curriculum remains indian hate centered.
Pakistani origin/trained terrorists implicated across the world tend to hail from either the middle-income or upper-income classes of society and many are highly educated.
6) Myth that access to Internet can be considered a barometer for measuring both educational attainment and income levels. Comments by Pakistanis on message boards and comment sections of even relatively moderate websites show deep-rooted support for this murder . The statement of TV anchors on prime-time shows corroborates this claim.
7) Myth that fundamentalist thinking is favored only by a tiny minority in Pakistan. Rallies on street contains parts of so called silent majority too. No major rallies have been carried out against the murder and none to… abolish blasphemy law. This shows widespread Islamist radicalization to be an all-pervasive fact of life in Pakistan. The welcoming of Qadri at the court with showering of rose petals and shouts of Allahu Akbar, the distribution of sweets and the celebratory gunfire in different cities was also reported in the media.
http://southasiaanalysis.org/%5Cpapers43%5Cpaper4269.html
Rauf Klasra speaks about the ‘institutional corruption’ and opportunism of Pakistani bureaucrats. Let us see if our Insaf tiger, Imran Khan, and his Talibanic mentor Munawar Hassan direct their guns towards the proven corruption of our saviours in the Supreme Court. According to commentators at ET, the resources of Pakistan are indeed in the tyrannic grip of establishment. Whether it is military generals or judges or civil bureaucrats, they all form an elite who is plundering Pakistan; common man finds no relief despite being dis-empowered and disadvantaged. The Chief Justice of Pakistan does whatever suits him. He can be a PRO judge if it suits him, he can re-appoint a retired judge Ramday if it suits him, he can keep Sharifs’ cases pending if it suits him, he does not take suo moto against the dons of sugar mafia if it suits him, he keeps mum at the ISI’s role in Balochistan if it suits him, and the list goes on…
Gift from “Ghazi Mumtaz Hussain Qadri” to Pakistani Muslims
Sunni Tehreek demolishes Masjid & Commit Blasphemy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXPqqJeNFWw&feature=channel_video_title
wow, awesome blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.