How to be a Noonie and Follow Noora-ism – Riaz Malik Hajjaji


Fundemental Principle of Accounting

Assets = Liabilities + Equities

Noora Principles of Accounting

Assets = Qatari letters + income from Pre Teen kids + Inventing Calibri Font

Noora Principles of Law

Hum Karein Tau Nach, Tum Karo Tau Mujra

Noora Princples of Politics

I love General Zia, General Kiyani, PCO Chaudhry, Ameriki President, Saudi King, Qatari prince and I am also “anti establishment”

Noora Ideology

We Hate Bhuttos! But we love to misappropriate their legacy when we get caught. Evoking Bhutto may look as unconvincing as our hair grafts but works to convince drawing room Noonies. We try hard to act as PPP even though we have hated them for the last 50 yeas.

Noora Principles of Business

Heads I win, Tails Pakistan Loses

Noora Principles of Public Support

Shout hard, Shout Loud and Never Let the other person Talk

Noora principles of “Gud Governance”

Build Roads, motorways and metros. Doesn’t matter if most of them are redundant. And build lots of them. And overbill them at the rate of 2500%. And then stash the tens of millions of pounds in offshore companies so that poor lil Hasan, Mariam and Husain Nawaz can each have their own swanky apartments in Mayfair. And Pubs in Central London. And multi-story high rises in East London. And Dubai investment companies. And Chinese and Indian trading companies. And those lovely Panamanian tax shelters.

Noora Principles of Economic Development

Refer to above

Noora Principles of Foreign Relations

We want peace with India and Afghanistan. We also want immunity for and better relations with the JeM/ASWJ-LeJ, the Taliban and LeT/JuD. We need these terrorist groups, oops, Pakistani “Peace” Corps to take out rallies for PML N.

Noora Principles of Liberalism

Attend a Diwali ceremony for 1 day of the year. For the remaining 364 days, associate and protect Deobandi and Wahhabi madrasahs that are forcibly converting Pakistan’s Hindu citizens.

Noora Principles

What the hell are principles??