So an Atheist, a Muslim and an Ahmadi walked into a bar one day – by Shamila Ghyas


This may or may not be based on actual facts…. and it won’t make much sense to most any way.


At – Atheist

Ah – Ahmadi

M- Muslim

So an atheist, a muslim and an Ahmadi walked into a bar one day:

At : I’ll have a beer. What are you having?

M: Beer as well for me.

At: Aren’t you a muslim?

M: Yes, of course,  I am. I don’t eat pork.

At: But… but.. beer?

M: I only eat halal too… unless I am on holiday in Thailand, then I eat everything. So make that a lager.

At: Hokey then. So what will you have, Mr. Ahmadi. You’re a muslim too.

M: *scoffs* Muslim? He’s no muslim.

Ah: *rolls his eyes* Here we go again.


Ah:  Mr. Atheist, I’ll have a coke please.

M: I don’t know why you people insist on calling yourself muslims. You don’t even believe what the Quran states.

Ah:  We read the Quran just like you and have complete faith as well, Prophet Muhammed is our prophet too, just like you.

M: How dare you?  HOW DARE YOU touch the Quran! Do you not know it is blasphemy for an Ahmadi to touch the Quran! You are Kaffirs. At least this atheist here admits he is a filthy kaafir!

At: Woah, woah.. come on Mr. Muslim. Ahmadis have such a hard time. You guys treat them so poorly, they should be allowed to call themselves whatever they want. Isn’t that a basic human right? Don’t you always say you are tolerant? Why not act it?

Ah: *Big smile* thank you Mr Atheist. We are people just like you  Mr. Muslim, we just want the right to call ourselves what we believe we are, and live peacefully.

M:   *smoke seething out of ears*  I will defend my religion and I will personally kill all you kaafirs if someone else doesn’t do it first. You are not muslims. I shall break your tomb when you die and bar you from going anywhere that we, the true muslims go. I will even scratch out the name of you Qadianis from textbooks, who contribute to the betterment of my country.

At: Please.. you need to stop doing this. They are people just like you with equal right to everything. I shall stand in the way if you try to harm him.

M: *makes a face* Ugh. Another beer, bartender.

Bartender: Would you like some bacon with that?

M: Noooo, I am a muslim!  What is wrong with you! I don’t eat pork!

Ah: *shakes head* So, how about that Ayaan Hirsi asking for Islam to militantly crushed. She’s such a bigot.

At: How is she a bigot? She doesn’t have an issue with muslims.

Ah: But she wants to crush Islam militantly.

At: Yes, but when did an atheist ever blow himself up? We don’t go KABOOM!

Ah: Do you understand the word militantly?

At: Yes I do.

M : *nodding yes every time Mr. Ahmadi says anything*

At: She doesn’t mean physically destroy muslims. She means the religion.

Ah: You are a militant atheist.

At: What? Just a little while back you were thanking me for sticking up for you, and now that I am giving someone else the same benefit of doubt, I am a militant atheist?

Ah: Bigot bigot bigot.

At: What the? And I don’t like being called a militant atheist.

Ah: Bigot bigot bigot. I shall call you what you are.

M: Exactly kaafir Ahmadi, you tell the other kaafir what he is…

Ah: *conveniently doesn’t hear M*

At: So, I am sticking up for you so you have the right to call yourself what you want and you are branding me a name that you think fits?

Ah: How do you spell your name.. I am posting this on fb.

At: No, I don’t want you to post this. It’s a private conversation.

Ah: It happened in a public bar. It’s not private. *types types types*

Smile for the camera please.

At: Huh? This is my face.

Ah: You have the same face on a public forum like twitter, I can use it however I like. *posts pic on personal fb page*

M: Another beer please. This is getting goooood. *keeps patting Mr. Ahmadi’s back, then wipes hand on napkin*

Ah: Bigot bigot militant atheist bigot.

M: You tell him kaafir bro! Just don’t touch my Quran or me. But you tell him! Woo woo!

At: *sighs*


The end.

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