Breaking news: Who is Dr Shahid Masood? – By Omar Khattab

Courtesy ARY Channel (All breaking news items)

1. Today the President of the ARY channel Dr Shahid Masood visited (dora kia) the flood-affected areas of the Muzaffargarh district. He expressed complete dissatisfaction with the Zardari government’s relief efforts (What about the Sharif government?)

2. The President of the ARY channel Dr Shahid Masood spoke to the flood affectees in Kot Adu. He inquired if they were satisfied with the federal (i.e., Zardari) government’s efforts regarding their plight. They affectees complained that the government had done nothing for them.

3. The President of the ARY channel Dr Shahid Masood held a conference on the bank of the River Chenab near Muzaffargarh. He condemned the federal (i.e., Zardari) government for abandoning people. He also condemned President Zardari for abandoning the suffering people of Pakistan. “The country is drowning in water and the president is paying tribute to the British prime minister who is the worst enemy of Pakistan,” he observed.

4. The President of ARY channel Dr Shahid Masood gave an audience to the notable personalities (amaideen) while on his way to the flood affectees. He told them to be united in the hour of need. He also noted that the absence of political leaders spoke of their apathy towards the suffering masses of Pakistan.

5. The President of ARY channel Dr Shahid Masood visited the dike and noted that the river water there was more ominous than the experts had claimed. He predicted that the dike, contrary to the experts’ claim, would be smashed in two days’ time.

6. The President of ARY channel Dr Shahid Masood held a press conference after speaking to the flood affectees. He condemned the (Zardari) government for blocking the ARY transmission in different parts of the country. He told the affectees not to lose heart as the days of the Zardari government were numbered.

7. The President of ARY channel Dr Shahid Masood became emotional as he saw the plight of the flood affectees. He held a small baby in his arms and told the people that no Zardari government official had courage to be amongst the people of Pakistan in their hour of need.

8. The President of ARY Dr Shahid Masood told a crying old woman that his own wife will soon visit her area on a fact-finding mission. He condemned the female legislators of the PPP government for having disappeared just like their leader (i.e., Zardari)

9. The victims of the unprecedented flood waved at Dr Shahid Masood, the President ARY channel, when he approached them. He assured them that he would do all he could to alleviate their problems. He condemned the PPP government for failing in its national and moral duty.

Dear readers, who is Dr Shahid Masood?

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