In search of good Taliban – by Akhtar Abbas

I admit I am a bit naïve, when it comes to current affairs. I mean I do get the big picture here and there, but some things just keep confusing me again and again. Wait, I guess I have to tell you the whole story, which began about 6 months ago.

That morning, there had been a drastic attack in Peshawar. Some thirty people had lost their lives, many more injured. I still remember my thoughts. Why did this happen, who did this. The bomber, no matter how brain washed, might have paused for a second: “Wait a second why these people have to die? Perhaps not! He might have at least asked this question: “Why am I dying? Why here?” Perhaps not! Perhaps none of these questions were asked at that moment, and that bomber did what he came there to do. Tehrik e Taliban Pakistan as usual was quick to claim responsibility for the bombing.

That evening I was watching a TV show and some one said something totally strange. Sitting in a comfy room, perched safely in some posh neighbourhoods, the youth sensation Pop band Noori’s was announcing: “First of all, it is the West that is against the Taliban because it is very heavily affected by it…we are not. Taliban are a small problem to the country.”

Ok, let’s give him the benefit of doubt. He does not seem like a person who reads a lot of news, so he does not know. That evening I heard a friend of mine explaining who actually did the bombing. “These people, these doing bombings, they are not real Taliban, The real Taliban are good people. They came for the glory of Islam, the Shari ‘a, Justice, equality …bla la bla. Now I thought I was out of touch with the news. Wow. There are good Taliban out there! The Saviours “But then”, I asked myself, “Who are these Hoodwinks?”, and “Where are the good Taliban?”

Now the first part was easily answered by Dear bald Mr Ali Azmat, who unveiled that these people are actually planted by NeoCons to de-islamatize Pakistan. While telling this, he somehow looked so similar to Male Gibson in the movie Conspiracy Theory, where he describes “they” are doing every thing. Oh so its “they”, “them”, “The people”. I had a feeling; Einstein must have felt while discovering General Relativity. I admit, I might have got a little absent minded there, may be drooled a bit, but hello I had found the answer – these people are planted by “the people”. Mystery solved.

But where the hell are the good Talibans? The real deal, the good fellas! I searched for them every where, Looked at all the newspapers, old and new, conservative and liberal. Hoping that there might be a statement from them saying: “Hey yo all! Here we are the good peace Loving Talibans.” My imagination crafted a scene out of this, just like the Indian movie “Andaaz Apna Apna” where the good twin and the evil twin, both are wooing the witnesses to accept them as the true person. I thought we might be lucky in this case.

The good Talibans will be having a smiley face, neat and clean robes, while the bad ones with a rough look, Juhyman (Angry Faces) and perhaps will not be so neatly dressed. But Alas! The more I searched the more I realized, there is no sign of Mr good Taliban in sight. There was not a single statement from them condemning these attacks. Not a single statement saying: Hey Mr Suicide Bomber, stop. The SMS you got was not from us. Some one is using our SIM and making you fake calls. We ain’t telling you to kill innocents. We hate America yes, but we Love Humanity! Nope, I swear, no such statement.

I guess the bad guys have got the Mic, shouting loud on behalf of every Talib alive, or perhaps the good guys are taking a nap. I do admit I started to have doubts about this whole twin thingee. Perhaps there are no such twins. There are no two persons, just a double personality; the classic Jack and Hyde scenario.

So, now you know why I am so confused. I still trust my friends who insist there are good Talibans out there. I am still searching for them. Here I am putting this advertisement, from my hard earned money. Is there any TV Channel, News Paper, and Website, willing to put this “Talash e Gumshuda” ad of mine?

One Good Taliban missing. The person was last seen fighting Americans. Is believed to be deeply religious, has a long bushy beard, white shalwar qameez, a turban on the head. Is very peaceful and humanity loving, does not believe in violence (occasionally beating of wives does not count here). If some one finds, please report to media, You will be rewarded generously. If the Good Taliban themselves are reading this, please come back to home. You will not be asked anything.



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