How to be a Noonie and Follow Noora-ism – Riaz Malik Hajjaji
Fundemental Principle of Accounting
Assets = Liabilities + Equities
Noora Principles of Accounting
Assets = Qatari letters + income from Pre Teen kids + Inventing Calibri Font
Noora Principles of Law
Hum Karein Tau Nach, Tum Karo Tau Mujra
Noora Princples of Politics
I love General Zia, General Kiyani, PCO Chaudhry, Ameriki President, Saudi King, Qatari prince and I am also “anti establishment”
Noora Ideology
We Hate Bhuttos! But we love to misappropriate their legacy when we get caught. Evoking Bhutto may look as unconvincing as our hair grafts but works to convince drawing room Noonies. We try hard to act as PPP even though we have hated them for the last 50 yeas.
Noora Principles of Business
Heads I win, Tails Pakistan Loses
Noora Principles of Public Support
Shout hard, Shout Loud and Never Let the other person Talk
Noora principles of “Gud Governance”
Build Roads, motorways and metros. Doesn’t matter if most of them are redundant. And build lots of them. And overbill them at the rate of 2500%. And then stash the tens of millions of pounds in offshore companies so that poor lil Hasan, Mariam and Husain Nawaz can each have their own swanky apartments in Mayfair. And Pubs in Central London. And multi-story high rises in East London. And Dubai investment companies. And Chinese and Indian trading companies. And those lovely Panamanian tax shelters.
Noora Principles of Economic Development
Refer to above
Noora Principles of Foreign Relations
We want peace with India and Afghanistan. We also want immunity for and better relations with the JeM/ASWJ-LeJ, the Taliban and LeT/JuD. We need these terrorist groups, oops, Pakistani “Peace” Corps to take out rallies for PML N.
Noora Principles of Liberalism
Attend a Diwali ceremony for 1 day of the year. For the remaining 364 days, associate and protect Deobandi and Wahhabi madrasahs that are forcibly converting Pakistan’s Hindu citizens.
Noora Principles
What the hell are principles??