Conspiracies against us
Sunday, November 23, 2008
by Dr Farrukh Saleem
It’s a Jewish conspiracy. Medinat Yisra’el or the State of Israel has appointed Yuli Tamir, a PhD from the Oxford University, as their minister of education. Just look at the fact: this has happened when Pakistan didn’t even have a minister of education (and then the Islamic Republic appointed Mir Hazar Khan Bijarani). Consider this: Zubaida Jalal Khan, our one-time minister of education, is being investigated by a Senate committee for her role in the Rs3.6 billion Tawana Pakistan Project scam. Just look at this other fact: exactly when Zubaida Jalal was running Tawana Pakistan, Yuli Tamir was a research fellow first at Princeton and then at Harvard. How cunning indeed, the ministry of education in Israel gets to spend $1,500 every year on each Israeli citizen while the ministry of education in Pakistan has a mere $20 per year for every Pakistani man, woman and child.
Imagine; Israel produces more scientific papers per capita than any other country on the face of the planet — 109 per 10,000 people. Pakistan produces one per cent of Israel’s productivity. Israel spends $110 on scientific research per year per person; Pakistan spends $2.
This one must be an American conspiracy. The Yanks have somehow duped us into buying $35 billion worth of mobile phones, luxury limousines, wheat, tea, raw cotton, plastic materials, petroleum products and edible oil when the Yanks know full well that 170 million Pakistanis cannot export goods worth more than $20 billion. It has to be the Yanks causing this depletion of our hard-earned foreign exchange reserves. It has to be the Yanks forcing us to fall for the IMF bait. It has to be our bomb that they hate.
Finally, the Indian conspiracy against us. Now, even Prime Minister Singh is going to help Pakistan get into the IMF trap. Then there are a billion penny-pinchers, a mere 177 miles east of Islamabad, using Aishwarya Rai to hypnotise each and every one of our 55 federal ministers into spending a colossal Rs600 billion per year more than the entire government of Pakistan earns every year. How wicked, insidious and vicious are the Indians; opting for the moon for their own country and wanting to make an international beggar out of us.
What’s wrong with Saudi Arabia? They make $700 million per day by selling oil at $70 a barrel. Do they also have a hidden agenda against us? Why can’t King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz al Saud, the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques, throw our way a few billions? What’s wrong with China; our friendship higher than the Himalayas and deeper than the Indian Ocean? After all, Hu Jintao is sitting on $1.9 trillion dollars worth of foreign exchange reserves. Why can’t he throw a few billions our way? Is China also conspiring to bring us down to our knees?
Look at Lockheed, the world’s largest defence contractor, conspiring to deplete our foreign exchange reserves. The fact is that no one is buying F-16s anymore and the Forth Worth aircraft assembly plant is laying off workers. Why is Lockheed then shoving down at least 18 F-16 C/D Block 50/52, worth a colossal $1.43 billion, down our poor, hungry throats? Lockheed knows full well that three out of four Pakistanis make less than $2 a day. Raytheon, the world’s largest producer of guided missiles, has now forced us to buy 500 of its advanced medium-range air-to-air missiles in return for our hard-earned $629 million.
When the whole wide world is conspiring against us the IMF must have been feeling lonely. The fact is that the IMF had been left clientless. Out of the blues, the IMF allured us into fabricating this massive balance of payment crisis so that the IMF could stroll right into Pakistan, lend us billions and in return ruin us and destroy us (if we are destroyed who would pay back the IMF its billions?). In short, our current fiscal and monetary emergency is not our own creation. Only if the three — Israel, India and the US — were to be swallowed up by the devil himself we could make a heaven out of the 778,720 sq km of land area we call Jamhuryat Islami Pakistan.
The writer is an Islamabad-based freelance columnist. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org (The News)